AITAH for lying about why I’m a single dad to someone?
A solitary father with two small kids took to Reddit to recount how he fibbed about their mother’s location to someone he didn’t know to escape disapproval. Weary of the endless negativity directed at him as a young parent, he informed the individual that their mother was deceased, despite her being alive but not present in their lives. He now questions whether he allowed his annoyance to cloud his judgment. The complete narrative can be found below.
‘ AITAH for lying about why I’m a single dad to someone?’
I’m a 25-year-old single father raising my 5-year-old son and daughter. Their mother is still living, but she abandoned us, and I have sole custody. Yesterday, while I was grocery shopping with my children beside me, an older gentleman in line behind me started inquiring about them. I should have simply stated that I was babysitting or something, but instead, I told him they were my children.
I have a youthful appearance, which, as is typical, led him to immediately form a judgment. He inquired about the children’s mother, and I was tempted to simply say she was at home. However, I’m fed up with being scrutinized, so I fabricated a story and told him she had passed away (as far as I’m concerned, she might as well be).
He appeared shocked, muttered incoherently, and departed. Fortunately, my children were oblivious to the situation, so I completed my task and left. This morning, while speaking with my sister, I recounted the event, and she became angry, accusing me of overreacting and provoking him without cause. I can see her point, but I am weary of being criticized for my youth as a parent. However, perhaps my perspective is skewed. Am I in the wrong?
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
lorinabaninabanana − NTA.. “Where’s the mom?”. “Alien abduction.”. “Traveled through time.”. “Bermuda triangle.”. “Quicksand.” Nosy strangers don’t deserve your life story.
aspermyprevious − NTA. I was in Home Depot years ago, looking for paint brushes. I happened to be wearing a shirt that read “Naval Academy,” where my sister went. Out of nowhere, some dude walks up and starts trying to aggressively quiz me about what class I graduated in, who did I know, or was I just a tag chaser?” 😵
I stared directly at him and stated, “My spouse passed away in Afghanistan, so I appreciate you mentioning it!” He became flushed and quickly departed. Other shoppers in the aisle were staring angrily at him. Although I was in my early twenties, had never been married, and my sister is still living, that man deserved it.
[Reddit User] − NTA. My 43/f husband 45/m and I have three kids. We had one, then twelve years later, our second and third were born two years apart. When the two littles were actually little (they are 8 & 10 now) and I would take the three kids out, people would switch between asking if the littles were my oldest’s kids, lol- she looks young for her age so that was always a weird one for me- plus I was in my 30s- hopefully didn’t look like a grandma yet! Or they would ask-
“The difference is striking. Are they all fathered by the same man?” Believe it or not, this was a common inquiry. It still is! That’s why I began responding with absurd replies. Someone: “Are they all fathered by the same man?” Me: “I’m uncertain. We continually perform paternity tests, but so far, no man has been identified as the father…”
Stranger- “A twelve-year difference! Incredible! Did you lose your touch after all that time?”
Me- “That’s an interesting question, actually. My spouse and I were involved in a crash when our firstborn was still a baby. We both suffered from amnesia and forgot about each other for eleven and a half years! However, once we regained our memories, we immediately resumed our passionate relationship. And presto – babies! I suppose it’s just like getting back on a bicycle!”
Then I would give them a strange, suggestive eyebrow wiggle.. And so forth.
GreenTravelBadger − NTA. \*giggle\* this happened to my mister, while the kids were boiling around his legs in a store. Some old granny asked him where is their mother, and he said “She’s dead” and would you believe, all of the kids stopped their cavorting around and stood there looking SAD, the little shits.. I was literally 20 feet away. Seems like you taught Old Dude a valuable lesson in minding his own damn business and your sister is so so so wrong that she is a joke.
LikeSnowOnTheBeach − NTA. Someone once told my husband he was “such a good daddy” for holding 1 of our 3 kids. He looked at them and said, “this does not make me a good dad, but I now know how crappy your dad or husband is and I’m sorry to hear it”. I was standing next to him with a smile. Lol People need to mind their own business.
Edited to add: Kindly review the final sentence: “People should focus on their own affairs.” Numerous individuals are interjecting to support this woman without properly examining my prior statements that clarify the context. If you intend to express a viewpoint, ensure it’s based on accurate information, seek clarification, or, possibly, stay out of it. 😉
CrabbiestAsp − NTA. Why do strangers feel like they have to know the ins and outs of strangers’ lives?
c1usterphuk − NTA. People are judgemental aholes. Hell you should have some good stories lined up for future aholes. With a sarcastic twist at the end so they know they were prying and aholes.
CommissarCiaphisCain − Definitely NTA. Not their business. Hopefully one day you’ll get a positive response like I once did. Around 2005 I was at a store with my son (2-ish age) giving my wife a chance to nap. An older man struck up a conversation with me, and said “I wish it was normal for a man to spend time alone with their small child when I was a young parent.” He looked so sad about that but you could see he was glad that times had changed (somewhat).
Maleficent_Theory818 − NTA. You ask stupid questions, you get stupid answers. He was asking questions that he had no business asking. Ignore jerks like that guy and keep being a good dad.
ExtinctFauna − “Where’s their mother?”
“Why are you asking? Are you the Mom Police?”
“No, I’m just wondering why *you* have them.”
“Why are you wondering that? I’m their dad, they’re my kids. Are they not allowed to be with their dad?”
Was the dad’s choice to misrepresent his circumstances an overreaction, or was it a reasonable response to the criticism he experiences as a young father? What alternative approaches could have been used in this scenario? Post your opinions!
