AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he asked if he could cheat on me?

A woman on Reddit recounts how her boyfriend, after a year and a half together, inquired about the possibility of sleeping with someone else “for kicks” and “to experiment.” Stunned and devastated by his proposition, she has been ignoring him ever since, resulting in him constantly calling her. She now questions whether she is wrong for not responding to him. The complete account is provided below.

‘ AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he asked if he could cheat on me?’

I apologize if this is disorganized, but I am still quite shocked and unsure of what to say, and English is not my native language. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. He met my parents a year ago, and around Christmas, he also met my extended family. They all love him, and we have had a great relationship thus far.

We are studying and reside approximately 90 minutes from each other, so we get together around once or twice monthly. Our sex life has always felt satisfying to him, although I have never achieved orgasm. In 10 days, we will be going on holiday, and my parents asked him to join us, which thrilled me because my father is typically very conservative.

I believed, in all sincerity, that my life was complete. He possessed kindness and compassion. Our days involved gaming and phone conversations, and our in-person meetings consisted of enjoyable experiences. Both sets of parents were introduced to each other and approved of the match. His family embraced me wholeheartedly, a sentiment reciprocated by my own family towards him. Having lost my grandparents in my youth, I felt a profound sense of familial belonging with his relatives. While acknowledging that our relationship spanned only eighteen months, the bond we shared was undeniably strong.

An hour prior, he texted me, indicating the need for a serious conversation. He inquired about the possibility of engaging in casual intimacy with another woman solely “for enjoyment” and “experimentation.” My affection for him runs deep, and the thought of a future without him is unbearable, as I genuinely believed he was my destined life partner. Despite the gravity of the situation, I haven’t ended our relationship, but I’m uncertain if I can move past this revelation. Currently, I’m avoiding all contact, unsure of how to proceed. He’s been persistently trying to reach me. Would I be wrong for ignoring him?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Hiscuteblondewife −  Please love yourself first. You need to get out of the “I can’t live without him” mindset or you’ll keep suffering. You can find someone else to game with and talk to on the phone.

JohnRedcornMassage −  NTA. He’s going to do it regardless of whether you say yes or no.. Just move on.

random_user2855 −  I don’t know how to update because it’s my first time using reddit, sorry for that. Some people are suggesting things like he might be into that or want an open relationship. But I hope you do understand that he broke my trust, because we do not live close he could have already done it in secret, there is no way to know that.

That’s a sticking point for me, especially considering his past statements against open relationships, indicating a lack of understanding. His belief was that you should commit to one person, viewing multiple partners as strange. While his perspective might have evolved, his request has left me feeling quite devastated.

I wasn’t ignoring him to be mean. I’m not sure if others have experienced this, but they obviously don’t grasp the significance when he’s my only daily interaction. Maybe relationships aren’t as important now, or at least not to him. But for me, it was significant. I envisioned a future with him, a life together with children.

It’s difficult to end things abruptly. However, I believe it’s necessary since I don’t think I can move past this, and my trust in him is permanently broken. I was in complete shock, struggling to breathe, and experiencing panic attacks. Ghosting was my method of creating space to sort through my emotions. My best friend urged me to communicate with him, which led me to post on AITA. I’m planning to discuss the situation with him soon, so thank you to everyone who offered support and guidance.

maidenmothercrone333 −  NTA, but OP, chances are he’s already has s** with her, and if he hasn’t, he probably will no matter what you say. Also – he finishes and never makes sure you do?! After 18 months?! That’s a s**fish p****. Honestly, that’s worse than him asking for your permission to cheat! Please d**p this guy – you can find better in a grocery store parking lot than this s**fish AH.

jjj68548 −  Text back “Sure, it’s your life. Do as you please since I am no longer apart of it. Take care now.” Then block him. Wtf was he thinking asking for permission to cheat. Some guys are idiots.

Electronic_Fox_6383 −  I mean, I’m not normally a big fan of ghosting, but he’ll know exactly what he did wrong so there’s really no need to spell it out for him. I’d say if ever an occasion called for it, it’s this one. Ghost away! And good luck to you. There’s someone better for you out there. NTA

celticmusebooks −  **I don’t know what to do.** You know what you need to do, you just don’t want to do it. Are you okay with being with a man who cheats on you– because he’s going to and honestly he most likely already has. If you stay with him this will be your life going forward.

Why would someone decide on that path for themselves? Maya Angelou wisely stated, “Trust people’s self-description when they initially reveal it.” Your boyfriend has just confessed to being a cheater. Accept this truth. Cease ignoring him, and simply prevent further contact. Enjoy a trip with your family; it will be a wonderful experience.

Tinka_Pobalinka −  Why do you still call him ‘your boyfriend’? Is this not over for you?

bopperbopper −  You have done the correct thing. He basically notified you he didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you, and you do want an exclusive relationship so you dropped him.. All you can do is set a boundary. “I am only interested in a monogomous relationship. It seems you are not so we are not compatible. Best of luck but do not contact me again.”

HankScorpio4242 −  “Only if I can do her first.”

Do you believe the woman was right to cut off contact with her boyfriend after his surprising demand, or should she address the issue with him directly and talk it through? What course of action would you take if you were in her shoes? Let us know what you think!