AITA for refusing to help my brother who sabotaged my career years ago, even though he’s now at rock bottom?

Welcome back, dear readers, to another deep dive into the complex world of familial relationships. Today, we’re dissecting a truly agonizing dilemma involving two brothers, a history of sacrifice, and a devastating betrayal that has left scars many years deep. When does loyalty end and self-preservation begin, especially when one sibling’s past actions directly impacted the other’s future? This post explores the very real pain of broken trust.

Our poster, an older brother, has always been the supportive backbone for his younger sibling, navigating through various crises with unwavering commitment. However, a significant turning point, a career-altering sabotage, forced a painful re-evaluation of that dynamic. Now, with the younger brother once again in dire straits, our protagonist is faced with a monumental decision. Let’s unravel the layers of this challenging situation and consider if he’s indeed the asshole for drawing a long-overdue boundary.

"AITA for refusing to help my brother who sabotaged my career years ago, even though he’s now at rock bottom?"

The core of this dilemma lies in the fundamental conflict between unconditional familial obligation and the imperative for self-preservation. Our poster has historically been an exemplary older brother, repeatedly extending a hand to Liam despite his younger brother’s consistent struggles. This established pattern of rescue created an expectation, perhaps even an entitlement, that the older brother would always be the safety net, regardless of Liam’s actions or the personal cost involved. This history complicates the current situation immensely, as breaking this pattern feels like a profound abandonment.

However, the nature of Liam’s past betrayal cannot be understated. Sabotaging someone’s career is not a minor transgression; it’s a direct, intentional act designed to harm, striking at the very foundation of their livelihood and future. This wasn’t merely a moment of weakness or a relapse into an addiction; it was a malicious act born from jealousy or desperation, with severe, long-lasting consequences for the older brother. It fundamentally fractured the trust that any sibling relationship relies upon, moving beyond mere irresponsibility to deliberate malice.

From the older brother’s perspective, his refusal to help now is not just about holding a grudge, but about protecting his own well-being and the stability he painstakingly rebuilt. To offer assistance to someone who actively tried to dismantle his life years ago could be perceived as enabling further destructive behavior, or worse, inviting another similar betrayal. He has a right to prioritize his peace and his family (his wife) who stands by him, especially after experiencing such a profound and damaging act from his own kin.

Conversely, his mother’s plea highlights the strong societal and familial pressures to support blood relatives, particularly in times of extreme distress. The argument that "family should always be there" resonates deeply for many, irrespective of past grievances. However, this perspective often overlooks the personal cost of such unwavering loyalty. While compassion is admirable, it must be balanced with self-respect and the recognition that some wounds run too deep to be ignored, especially when the person responsible shows little genuine remorse or change.

Here’s the unfiltered feedback from the Reddit crowd:

The comment section for this post was, predictably, a whirlwind of strong opinions, though a clear consensus did emerge quite rapidly. Many users empathized deeply with the older brother’s predicament, drawing parallels to their own experiences with difficult or toxic family members. The sheer audacity of Liam’s past sabotage resonated with a lot of people, making it difficult for them to justify any obligation on the older brother’s part, even given Liam’s current dire circumstances. The prevailing sentiment leaned heavily towards protecting one’s peace and hard-won stability.

There were, of course, a few dissenting voices, primarily focused on the moral implications of abandoning a sibling, regardless of their past transgressions. These commenters often cited the "blood is thicker than water" adage or suggested that true forgiveness involves helping someone at their lowest. However, these opinions were largely outnumbered by those who argued that the older brother had already given more than enough, and that Liam needed to face the consequences of his actions rather than relying on another bailout.

This story truly brings to light the agonizing choices we sometimes face when family relationships become toxic. While the pull of blood ties is powerful, there comes a point where self-preservation and protecting one’s own well-being must take precedence, especially when past actions have been deliberately harmful. Our poster’s journey from caretaker to victim, and now to someone seeking peace, is a harsh reminder that boundaries, even with family, are not just optional but often essential for survival. The community’s strong support reflects a shared understanding of this difficult truth.