Sorry but today our house is not ‘the house’
Welcome back, dear readers, to another dive into the tricky waters of family dynamics and personal boundaries! Today's story brings us to a common dilemma faced by many during the holiday season: the expectation of tradition versus the need for personal space and well-being. When 'your house' becomes 'the house' for everyone, drawing lines can feel like an act of rebellion.
Our OP found themselves in just such a predicament, grappling with years of established family gatherings that centered around their home. But what happens when the hosts simply can't, or don't want to, uphold that tradition anymore? The ensuing clash often highlights deep-seated assumptions and the difficulty families have in adapting to change. Let's explore this holiday tug-of-war.
"Sorry but today our house is not 'the house'"
This situation is a classic example of how entrenched traditions can become an unspoken obligation, often falling disproportionately on certain family members. For ten years, OP and their spouse willingly shouldered the significant burden of hosting a large family Thanksgiving. This level of generosity is commendable, but it also inadvertently sets a precedent that can be incredibly difficult to break.
The core issue here is the family's entitlement. While tradition can be a beautiful thing, it should never come at the expense of the hosts' well-being, especially when major life changes occur. The arrival of a new baby is a monumental shift, demanding immense energy and focus from new parents. Expecting them to maintain such a demanding hosting schedule demonstrates a lack of empathy and understanding from the extended family.
Furthermore, the family's reaction—ranging from guilt-tripping to outright disappointment about "ruining" Thanksgiving—highlights their own lack of initiative. If "the house" is so crucial, why hasn't anyone else stepped up to host, or at least offered concrete, substantial help beyond bringing a side dish? The burden of maintaining the tradition has clearly fallen squarely on OP's shoulders for too long.
OP has every right to set boundaries and prioritize their own small family's needs. Announcing this change six weeks in advance was more than reasonable, giving everyone ample time to make alternative plans. The family's inability to adapt or offer genuine support suggests they valued the convenience of OP's hospitality more than OP's actual well-being. OP is NTA for reclaiming their peace and their home.
Family Tradition or Family Entitlement? The Internet Weighs In!
The comments section on this story was a whirlwind, but a strong consensus quickly formed: OP is absolutely NTA! Readers overwhelmingly sided with the new parents, recognizing the immense demands of a newborn and the inherent right to prioritize one's own well-being. Many shared similar stories of being "the designated host" and the burnout that inevitably follows when boundaries aren't established.
A key theme emerging from the discussions was the stark difference between genuine help and superficial offers. As one commenter put it, "Help isn't asking if you can bring a pie, it's volunteering to clean the bathrooms." The collective sentiment was that OP's family, while perhaps not maliciously, had become comfortably complacent with OP's generosity, failing to see the significant emotional, physical, and financial toll it took.
In the end, OP's story is a powerful reminder that traditions, while cherished, should never become chains. The ability to set healthy boundaries, especially during significant life changes, is crucial for personal well-being. While it's natural for family to feel disappointed, their reaction reveals a greater issue of entitlement. OP's decision to prioritize their new family and much-needed rest is not selfish, but a testament to self-preservation. Let this be a lesson to all: your home is your sanctuary, not a public event space on demand.
