AITA for telling my wife I’ll only stay if she agrees to an open marriage now that she’s gained 60 lbs?

Oh boy, do we have a doozy for you today, folks. This AITA submission touches on some incredibly raw nerves: body image, marital expectations, and the thorny issue of ultimatums in a long-term relationship. It's a post that's already sparking intense debate across the internet, and honestly, it's not hard to see why. Prepare yourselves for a deep dive into a marriage on the brink, where attraction and conditions are colliding head-on.

Our anonymous poster, 'HusbandThrowaway,' lays out a situation many might find unthinkable. He's proposing a radical change to his marriage – an open relationship – but not for reasons you might typically expect. This isn't about exploring new boundaries from a place of mutual desire; it's a direct response to his wife's recent weight gain. The comments section is already a battleground, and we're here to unpack all the messy details.

"AITA for telling my wife I’ll only stay if she agrees to an open marriage now that she’s gained 60 lbs?"

Let's be clear: attraction is a complex and often uncontrollable aspect of human relationships. The poster's feelings of decreased physical attraction to his wife are, in themselves, valid. People change over time, and bodies change. It's natural for attraction levels to fluctuate, and no one can force themselves to feel something they don't. The real issue isn't the feeling itself, but how one chooses to address it within the context of a committed partnership.

The wife's perspective here is equally crucial. To have your spouse issue an ultimatum directly tied to your physical appearance, suggesting an open marriage as the 'solution,' is devastating. It implies a conditionality to love and commitment that undermines the very foundation of a marital bond. This isn't a conversation about mutual growth; it's a demand that places all the onus on her, potentially triggering deep insecurities and feelings of betrayal.

The idea of an 'open marriage' as a leverage tool or a consequence for a partner's body changes is highly problematic. Open marriages are ideally built on mutual consent, trust, and a shared desire for a different relationship structure, not as a desperate measure to keep one partner from leaving due to a lack of physical attraction. Using it as an ultimatum likely poisons any chance of it being a healthy, consensual arrangement.

While the poster expresses a desire to 'save' the marriage, his approach appears more focused on his own immediate needs for physical intimacy rather than a holistic solution for the couple. Honest communication and couples therapy could have explored underlying issues, health concerns, or ways to rekindle intimacy without resorting to such a harsh and potentially relationship-ending ultimatum. The path chosen seems less about compromise and more about control.

The Internet Reacts: Is Love Truly Conditional?

The comments section for this post was, as expected, a firestorm. The overwhelming sentiment was that the original poster (OP) was unequivocally the A-hole. Readers were quick to point out the deeply cruel and manipulative nature of his ultimatum, especially how he framed an 'open marriage' as a solution for his wife's weight gain, rather than a mutual decision reached through honest communication.

Many commenters focused on the betrayal of trust and the destructive impact this would have on his wife's self-esteem and their relationship. The concept of conditional love, where a spouse's physical appearance dictates the terms of intimacy and marital boundaries, resonated negatively with almost everyone. The consensus was clear: this wasn't about saving a marriage; it was about tearing it down while trying to mitigate personal guilt.

This AITA story serves as a harsh reminder that while attraction is important, how we navigate changes in a long-term relationship truly defines our character. Issuing ultimatums, especially ones tied to a partner's physical appearance and involving such drastic measures as an open marriage, rarely leads to a healthier relationship. Instead, it often shatters trust and leaves irreparable emotional scars. Communication, empathy, and professional guidance are always better first steps than wielding ultimatums in moments of marital strife. Let's strive for understanding, not control, in our most intimate bonds.