I (28F) found out my husband (29M) has been telling his coworkers that I’m his sister. What do I do? Please help!

A 28-year-old woman was taken aback to learn that her 29-year-old husband had been introducing her to his workmates as his sibling, rather than his spouse. Following a number of awkward interactions with his colleagues, she came to the conclusion that this was not a simple error and felt she had to address the issue with him directly.

She’s uncertain about the best way to start this discussion and is looking for guidance on navigating this strange and painful circumstance without damaging her marriage.

‘ I (28F) found out my husband (29M) has been telling his coworkers that I’m his sister. What do I do? Please help! ‘

Josh, as I’ll refer to my spouse, and I have been a couple for six years and married for four. We don’t have any children. Our relationship is built on strong communication and mutual understanding, we’re both generally relaxed individuals, and my love for him is deep.

He joined a prominent accounting company approximately three years prior, and if his account is anything to go by, he’s very happy in his role. He’s befriended many people at work and frequently joins them for social outings and drinks, which I’ve had no problem with at all.

As a fairly introverted person, I’ve never felt the need to get to know his coworkers or acquaintances from work, and I’ve never requested to do so. I’m content with my own group of friends, and I’m perfectly happy with us maintaining distinct social circles.

It just hit me, given recent events, that he’s never invited me to meet his friends or attend a company function. I suppose that is key information. Regardless, I’ll begin with an incident from a few months back that I didn’t think much of at the time, but I do now.

I was out with friends at a bar on a Friday evening for a few drinks after work when a man came up to me. He was also with a group of friends. He looked a bit recognizable, but we hadn’t been formally introduced. He came across as affable and inquired, “You’re \[My name\], correct?”

I probably looked puzzled, so he added, “I’m Jake, I’m a colleague of Josh.” I then remembered seeing him in pictures on my husband’s device (I only use a private Instagram account).

I’m unsure whether he shared the pictures elsewhere, but we have a very open relationship so I sometimes browse through his photos (please don’t judge me). This is where it becomes slightly humiliating. I’m a little socially inept, so I had difficulty ending the discussion.

He just wouldn’t stop talking, probably because he’d already had a few drinks. As he was rambling, he made a comment along the lines of, “It’s awesome you guys are still so tight. I haven’t spoken to my brother in forever.” I remember thinking it was a bit strange at the time, but I figured he was just intoxicated and not thinking clearly, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.

He began to act somewhat flirtatious, so I went to join my friends, and we departed soon afterward. I didn’t mention it to them, and it didn’t strike me as particularly significant. I also chose not to inform my husband that I had encountered his colleague, Jake.

Because I assumed the man wouldn’t recall our conversation, and I didn’t want to create an uncomfortable situation for Josh at his workplace by revealing that his coworker had flirted with me, I chose not to disclose the incident. I simply believed it was best to let it go.

Yesterday, while I was walking my dog, Monty, (he’s a mixed breed with very distinctive markings, which is important later) on the way to my usual cafe in town. As I was queuing up to place my order, an elderly man stood in front of me.

He grabbed his coffee and spun around, but paused, noticing my dog. He then exclaimed, “Hello Monty!!!” Monty seemed thrilled to see him. I figured the man must be another one of Josh’s coworkers, since Josh brings the dog to the office a few times each week.

To be honest, I found it endearing, so I grinned at him and greeted him. He told me his name (I had already figured he worked with us), but then he remarked something along the lines of, “you’re such a great sister, taking his dog out!”

Initially, I was too disoriented to respond appropriately. I stammered, blurting out, “He’s my dog.” I lament my response, but in that moment, I simply couldn’t force myself to clarify that I am Josh’s wife, not his sister.

The situation became too uncomfortable, and I felt a strong desire to get away as the possible reality of what might have been happening started to dawn on me. He brought up something about “joint dog ownership,” but I managed to cut the conversation short by using my turn in the coffee line as an excuse, and he departed.

I am at a loss for words and don’t know how to proceed because what the hell is going on????? Should I even broach this subject with my husband? A part of me wants to believe that it’s all a big misunderstanding and that he rarely mentions me at his job, so they just think we’re related because we both have brown hair (???).

The idea that he’s been presenting me as his sibling to his colleagues (and they’ve apparently seen my appearance, suggesting they’ve viewed pictures) is unsettling. I’m unsure how to even bring this up with him. I require assistance – what course of action would you recommend in this scenario?

I’ve confided in only one friend about the incident due to its strange and humiliating nature. Her immediate reaction was to suggest planning revenge, which is typical of her unwavering loyalty. However, I’m hesitant to jump to conclusions or jeopardize my marriage based on something that might be insignificant.

I’m sorry for the long and rambly post, but I would REALLY appreciate any and all advice!!

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DocSternau −  Walk up to him and ask directly: “Why are you telling your colleagues that I am your sister?!” Sorry but this is nothing where you beat around the bush.

Subspaceisgoodspace −  I think you are underreacting here. There is literally no good reason he has told all his coworkers you are his sister. I am so sorry. You could choose for ask him why or you could just leave.

stuckinnowhereville −  So he’s either having an affair at work or keeping his options open. Neither good.

Piilootus −  You need to surprise him in front of his coworkers, give him the kiss of a lifetime and say you have the best brother ever. No but for real you need to sit him down and tell him you know he’s telling people you’re his sister and what the f**k is that about.

DevotedRed −  Does he not wear a wedding ring to work? Why does he need to hide the fact he’s married? Sorry OP, but this would send me into a tailspin. Find out as much as you can before confronting him.

Specific_Alps554 −  I’d be making a surprise lunch visit where I make sure to let everyone know “I’m jake’s WIFE. It’s so great to meet everyone.” and then seriously reconsider if this is the marriage you want. The marriage you’re proud of. He said it for a reason and it was so play single bachelor. You deserve better.

sourdough_s8n −  I couldn’t get through this post tbh but girl STAND UP. No self respecting husband that has such a good relationship (like you say) would be calling you his sister. Theres at least an emotional affair happening or he and all these coworkers like to go play single together.

You’re faced with two choices: “Why on earth do these individuals assume I am your sibling?” You can address this privately at home. Alternatively, you can socialize with them, get acquainted, sit on your husband’s lap, hold his hand, and frequently kiss him! Inform everyone that you both still share the same bed after all this time, and witness him attempt to escape from his fabricated story in the moment.

WinterFront1431 −  I’d surprise him at work and give him a big romantic kiss in front of everyone. Then tell him not to bother coming home. Two reason he is saying what he is saying, and neither is good. He’s embarrassed to be with you or he is acting the single man and cheating.

I’d humiliate him at his job with a loving kiss and let everyone know that you are going to be his former spouse, considering your desire to dissolve the marriage with your sibling.

Fabulous-Possible-76 −  You should connect with the poster from last week whose husband was telling his coworkers her sister was his wife

chrisvai −  The fact that over the past 3 years, he has worked with these people everyday, hangs outside of work with them, they know your dog but they *DON’T* know you are his wife is a flaming red flag for me. 3 years and they believe you are his sister. 3 years of conversations where your so-called “husband” has never corrected them.

It really makes you think. What exactly transpires when they “hang out”? The detail about one of his coworkers attempting to flirt with you, mistaking you for your husband’s sibling, is absolutely unbelievable. OP, don’t let him off the hook; I would be absolutely livid if my significant other did this. The nerve of some people!