AITA for turning off the vacation house security cameras so my elderly father can’t watch us?

A Reddit user recounted a quandary regarding deactivating the security cameras at their family’s holiday house to prevent their elderly father from watching them. While the cameras were originally installed to provide him with a virtual link to the property, the user realized that he sometimes uses them to observe family members when they are staying there.

Even after they articulated their discomfort, their father induced a sense of culpability, asserting it was his method of maintaining a bond with his cherished location. Ultimately, during their most recent encounter, the user opted to deactivate the cameras, valuing privacy above their father’s protests. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for turning off the vacation house security cameras so my elderly father can’t watch us?’

Our family owns a vacation home far from the city. People have always visited it to relax and get away from their everyday routines. My elderly father (86) is still able to drive, but he doesn’t visit the house as often as he used to.

To maintain a sense of connection with the home, he frequently uses his laptop to monitor the two outdoor security cameras, where he observes deer, listens to birds, and sometimes sees the local caretaker visit to inspect the property.

**The issue:** Now, whenever we go to the house when he isn’t there, he demands we leave the cameras recording. He says he never looks at the footage “because he’s too busy and doesn’t care”. However, if I ask him, “why does it matter if I switch off the video while I’m there?”, he hesitates, confessing that he “very rarely” likes to take a peek to see “what we’re doing”.

It’s obvious he’s keeping a close eye on us – he once let slip that he disapproved of something I was doing that he could only have known about by watching the camera feed. The fact that the cameras notify him of any movement they detect only makes the situation worse.

This firm conversation we have about our unease, the intrusion on our personal space, or the fact that *he* never experienced his father watching him, consistently concludes with him heavily emphasizing a version of “Why would you deny me this small pleasure? I will be kept away from the house I built and love so dearly as I get older and other things come up.”

“Can’t the cameras be switched off after my demise?” I understand his perspective. He envisions his grandchildren frolicking about and witnesses our activities, such as gardening and playing with the dog. As the family’s head, we’re eager to please him. However, my sister and I both sense a pressure to behave in ways that diverge from our natural inclinations.

Understanding that we are, in essence, starring in our own version of *The Truman Show* lessens the special quality of our isolated family haven and makes it harder to unwind while on holiday. During my previous visit, I chose to stand my ground and disconnect the video stream, which my father did not appreciate. Was I wrong?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Astroblemes −  Info: who owns the house? NAH – you’re e**itled to some privacy at your family vacation home. At the same time he owns the house and has shared it with you for taxes benefits when he passes – which he didn’t have to do. Maybe cut the cameras on for small amounts of time if he wants to see the grandkids or the birds (but only what you’re comfortable with).

SushiGuacDNA −  NAH. Having somebody watch you through cameras is a crazy violation of privacy. You aren’t the a**hole for turning them off. Even if the cabin is his, letting people stay there with the condition that he watched through cameras is creepy and weird. So you still weren’t an a**hole for turning off the cameras.

If he intends to forbid you from using the cabin, that is acceptable, but covert surveillance is not. However, the father is in a sad situation. He is no longer physically capable of visiting the cabin, and he yearns to connect with his family. He likely justifies his actions by thinking that simply observing through the camera to see what’s happening couldn’t cause any problems. He is mistaken, and his mental faculties are probably declining.

I wouldn’t go so far as to label him negatively for it. If you’re seeking ways to brighten his day, perhaps you could inform him that activities like swimming or games are scheduled around 3:00, allowing him an hour to observe or engage. Dealing with aging parents is indeed challenging.

Rye_One_ −  NTA for wanting privacy. Simple solution – point the cameras to where he can still see nature but can’t see you. Point them back before you leave.

stophittingthyself −  NAH . I was sure I was going to think n t a from the title but outside cameras are really not a big deal. I wouldn’t like to be filmed either so I get your discomfort and not going to call you an a**hole.

However, the decline of freedom and mobility due to health issues is incredibly disheartening, as is death. Are you absolutely certain that you cannot overlook your unease for his sake just this once? This would allow him to visit his grandchildren and reminisce about the past. It is not a constant surveillance like in “The Truman Show,” and you still have personal space in most of the property. Please, reconsider.

GeorgiaFlourishes −  NTA. Your dad is being unreasonable. It’s ur family’s vacation time, and you deserve privacy. He wouldn’t want his father spying on him, so he needs to extend the same courtesy to u.

Wiregeek −  NTA, those cameras would get a nice coffee can hat the moment I got in.

NoDaisy −  Why not bring dad with you on one of these trips? I’d imagine he would be very happy to be with his family at the cabin again if he had assistance. If the cameras are just outside, you need to not be so tough on dad. NAH

Zestyclose_Gur_8889 −  NTA. Nobody wants to be spied on.

Ecstatic_Vibrations −  INFO: who actually owns the cabin? In the end, if it’s his, he can set a rule that the cameras stay on. It’s not comfortable or convenient for you, but your action as a result is to not travel to the cabin. If its yours (even in part), then you set the rules and can turn the cameras on or off at will.

DenL4242 −  NAH, you’re just framing the situation negatively. Instead of thinking about it like he’s some sort of spy or voyeur, imagine that the cameras are a way for him to go on a trip with you, even if he can’t physically. Play with the camera, wave at it, have the grandkids make signs for him to show to the camera. Have fun with it instead of being paranoid.

Considering the user’s right to privacy while on holiday, was it justifiable for them to place this above their father’s request, considering his age and sentimental connection to the house? How would you navigate personal limits with family while being mindful of their feelings? Please share your opinions below!